Red skirts on the inside, peeps. The Tues. cool list

July 14th, 2009 by jen

This morning, pre coffee, I whined about this being a long week. (Because I’m a whiny weenie some days, OK?!)

I was quickly given my reality check, and I now present my Tuesday list of people who are just cooler than words:

These folks made me happy:

#3 Willie The Checkers Dude. Willie is out in the Checkers parking lot with the leaf blower every darn morning. He pauses, gives me a big smile and hollers “Good Morning” to me. Every morning for four years. The act of hollering “Good Morning” back to him makes my morning. Seriously.

#2 The Red-Skirt Lady — Last night, in Zumba, (a sort of aerobics class) this little Latina lady wasn’t wearing workout pants, she wore a long, flowey red skirt. And when we really started to shimmy and shake, she started to dance, using her skirt as an extension. She didn’t give two craps about what we thought of her. She enjoyed her moment.

Hell. Yeah.

Coolest chick in West Volusia last night was the uninhibited Red Skirt Zumba Lady.

She made me rethink my attitude today.

#1 My daughter — Because when the radio died on my 89 GMC pickup (with 289,000 miles, thank you! My truck will whup your butt. It’s a clunker, but it’s MY clunker) my daughter and I belted out a rousing rendition of “There was a hole, in the middle of the ground, the prettiest hole, that you ever did see…” complete with chicken-dance motions.

You can’t be in a bad mood after hollering “Well the nest’s on the branch and the branch’s on the tree and the tree’s on the root and the root’s on the ground and the green grass grows all around and a around and the green grass grows all aarrrouuuunnndd.”

Those are the coolest people in my town at this moment.

Happy Tuesday! Wear your red skirt on the inside, and flaunt it on the outside.

You must wear drawers! You must not stink!

June 24th, 2009 by jen

I recalled seeing this ordinance on one of my daily Weird News widgets, but I didn’t comment on it because I’ve been so steenkin’ busy as of late.

So, I want to give a big Hooty-Hoo to Orange City Mayor Harley Strickalnd. He made mention of the a new ordinance in Brooksville at last night’ city council meeting.

Which brought it back to my attention.

I give you the city of Brooksville, who passed an ordinance to require employees to wear underpants and deo.

(I’ve known folks from Brooksville, so I can’t say this is unwarranted.)

Here’s the article in Hernando Today

(I so want to be hired as the Underpant Enforcer. Could you imagine having a government job enforcing underpants and stinky pits? How fabulous is that?!)

When the prospect of painting makes you cry

June 8th, 2009 by jen

I had a moment yesterday in what I’m calling my mid-mommy crises.

It all started with me staring at my absolutely disgusting walls.

When I started at The Beacon, my daughter was entering kindergarten, and my son was heading to middle school.

My walls were constantly covered in feet-prints and pudding. (Did you know the foil-lids for cups of pudding will stick, indefinitely, to a wall when applied by a middle-schooler? Did you know it takes a blow-torch to get it off the wall once it dries?)

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Flying egg salad and more!

May 27th, 2009 by jen

Case#:09-16254    Date: 5/22/2009 Time: 19654  Invest Asgn: Header: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SIMP Location: Business Name: ZONE:24

D1 threw an egg salad sandwich at her step-father hitting him in the chest. D1 was arrested and transported to VCBJ.

Food flinging is criminal?

Nice.

Do you know how many lunch-rooms around the country should be locked up? I mean, in my day, we had at least 4-5 food-flinging episodes a year. Multiply that by the years I was in school, and you’ve got some serious criminals getting away scott free for hurling tater-tots and salisbury steaks with congealed gravy.

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Kickbutt burger at Ground Chuck

May 22nd, 2009 by jen

OK, this is my first food review, so forgive the lack of finesse.

(AHAHAHAHA! That’s a good one. Me. With finesse. Yeah, right.)

Yesterday the new burger-joint Ground Chuck had a promo, and our Circulation manager ran out and got some of their burgers.

Good hell that was some killer cow. Seriously.
The burger was huge, it was affordable (the entire meal, fries, burger with the works, and a drink were like, $8. Fast food is just about $6, so it’s really not shockingly expensive.)

The fries were OK, the drink was a drink, but the burger. It really was that darn good.

Phil said he wants to have the best burger in Volusia. I haven’t tried every burger in Volusia, but it was the best burger I’ve had in a looooong time.

Thanks Phil and Chantell. Ya’ll rock.

Idiot of the day — more booze thefts

May 21st, 2009 by jen

Today’s Idiot of the day, brought to you from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Activity reports:

Case#:09-15937 Date: 5/19/2009 Time: 2335 Invest Asgn:
Header: THEFT Location:3705 N. Hwy 17, DS Business Name: Pin Ups Bar ZONE:22
Matthew Jarnigan was involved in a verbal altercation within the bar area. He was asked to leave by the bar staff. He left the bar, walked outside and into the package store. Once inside he told the clerk he wanted to speak to the manager. As the clerk left the package store and went into the bar to get the manager, Jarnigan took several bottles of alcohol from the store, left, put them in his car then ran back inside before the staff came back inside. The manager then spoke to Jarnigan and he left. The manager reviewed the video tape and discovered what happened. The manager knew Jarnigan from prior dealings. Deputies went to Jarnigan’s residence in Pierson and arrested Jarnigan. He was transported to VCBJ without further incident.

He stole booze and went BACK INTO THE STORE.

That’s chutzpah.

Or idiocy.

You decide.

Park benches and booze

May 21st, 2009 by jen

Saturday, May 16, 2009
Day Shift:
Sleeping on Park Bench/Warrant Arrest – S. Alabama – A man was issued an NTA for sleeping on a park bench. After it was discovered that he had an open warrant for violation of parole, he was arrested and transported to VCBJ.

It’s not legal to sleep on a park bench?

Seriously, I had no idea. Looks like my lunch-time nappy-nap is totally nixed, eh?

(This actually makes me a little upset, and I’m bringing it out because I’m not too happy about it.  You can’t sleep on a park bench. I always thought being  in a position where you had to sleep on a parkbench was a pretty darn unfortunate thing to begin with — to become a criminal by sleeping… that sort of sucks.)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Night Shift:
Grand Theft – E. ISB – a W/M subject entered the Liquor Dept and stole (7) bottles of Johnnie Walker whiskey valued at approx. $362.

And yet again, we see the priorities some folks have.

At least is was Johnnie Walker, quality obviously counts when you’re stealing.

Plastic bag shirts — Call the fashion Police!

May 11th, 2009 by jen

Today’s idiot of the day was pretty clear.

Meet nudie woman, who ran around Daytona completely naked save for a plastic bag.

Do I need to tell you she admitted to a few drugs?

Congrats to our IOTD, Nudie Woman.

AT APPROXIMATELY 0533 HOURS DEPUTIES WERE DISPATCHED IN REFERENCE TO A NAKED FEMALE. AS DEPUTIES ARRIVED ON SCENE THE NAKED FEMALE RAN OUT THE BACK DOOR TO THE BUSINESS. DEPUTY MCGUIRE OBSERVED THE FEMALE RUN ACROSS NOVA ROAD WITH DEPUTY LAMEE CHASING BEHIND HER ON FOOT. THE FEMALE WAS CAUGHT AND SECURED IN THE PARKING LOT OF 1903 N NOVA ROAD, HOLLY HILL. THE FEMALE WAS COMPLETELY NAKED EXCEPT FOR A CLEAR 7-ELEVEN PLASTIC BAG SHE HAD ON AS A SHIRT. THE FEMALE WAS COMBATIVE AND APPEARED TO BE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF NARCOTICS. THE FEMALE WAS PLACED INTO DEPUTY MCGUIRE’S PATROL VEHICLE AT WHICH TIME SHE BEGAN KICKING THE DOORS AND BANGING HER HEAD ON THE WINDOWS. THE FEMALE EVENTUALLY IDENTIFIED HERSELF AS (V1).  V1 DID ADMIT TO DRUG USE (COCAINE) AND ALCOHOL THIS MORNING AND SHE ADVISED SHE WANTED TO KILL HERSELF. V1 WAS TRANSPORTED TO HALIFAX BY EVAC.

Dumb criminal of the day – cop crasher or runner?

April 28th, 2009 by jen

This past weekend we had an abundance of idiocy in Volusia County.

I had a hard time picking a DCOTD. So here are my two favs:

We have the chick who decided to change her course midway and runs into a deputy, and, we have the dude who refused to stop for the deputy — while obeying all traffic laws — and made a run for it when he parked.

Who do you think deserves the Dumb Criminal of the Day title?

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Volusia Sheriff’s logs; booze, pot plants and yahtzee

April 28th, 2009 by jen

Case#:09-13008 Date: 4/24/2009 Time: 0002 Invest Asgn:
Header: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SIMP
WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL AND PLAYING YAHTZEE, V1 AND D1, FATHER AND SON, HAD AN ARGUMENT OVER V1 CALLING D1 A DRUG DEALER. A PHYSICAL FIGHT ENSUED IN WHICH D1 WAS DETERMINED TO BE THE PRIMARY AGGRESSOR. D1 WAS ARRESTED AND TRANSPORTED TO THE BRANCH JAIL WITH NO BOND.

See, family bonding is alive and well!

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