We hope you're enjoying our site. You've read one of your seven free stories for the month. Log in for open access.

<p></p><p></p>

Sure, the title is misleading. On the web, I expect more readers will look at the column due to the interesting title, rather than a great interest in unsavory promotions. 

Unfortunately, I cannot offer much in the way of busty college girls. Not that I would get sacked, like that professor whose shared screen exposed a tab so titled; I am just not in that business.

On the other hand, I do get to make fun of some promotions. Today’s fun comes from a vendor who offers gold-layered copper ingots. Now, the price of copper is about $3.50 per pound. But if they put a buck’s worth of very thin gold on a 5-ounce chunk of copper, they can call it a gold bar.

Put these in handy four-packs, call them “vault bricks,” and they may be sold for $245 each ($980 for the four). There is clearly room for some profit in there, with $5 worth of material, even after a prorated share of the advertising costs.

We have to rush; there is no time to waste. The vendor claims that the stuff will be sold in other states at an even higher price. Or, alternatively, we will miss our chance to laugh at the idea of paying $49 per ounce for “copper bullion,” which normally sells for about 22 cents.

It sort of reminds me of various government services. I cannot believe that it costs more than $50 to stamp out a car tag, but the state is sure proud of them. 

Garbage collection is famous for providing generous kickbacks, and it is rumored the state pays more than $1 million for a mile of asphalt. And can you really believe that it costs more than $20 to issue a driver’s license?

The difference is that the government has lots more guns, so they do not need to be as clever. They do not need such advertising. There is no need for the government to lead with “Busty College Girls,” when they can just come in with a SWAT team.

Instead of trying to convince you that copper is gold, the state just requires you to buy their copper as though it were gold. 

I am still not sure what to think about those pricey copper ingots from the Federated Mint — maybe this is a chance for new research into alchemy; trying to turn copper into gold?

— Andrews is a DeLand-area attorney and a longtime government critic. For purposes of the column, he finds it convenient that there is so much government to criticize.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here