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Editor, The Beacon:

I am an admittedly unlovely 72-year-old male who has always self-identified as an international supermodel … it is my truth. Sen. Warren has hers; I have mine.

But the czars of fashion have turned a blind eye over the decades. So I petition any legal minds within the reach of this publication to represent me (pro bono, thanks) in my lawsuit against Vogue magazine, demanding a cover shoot.

My complaint, if they deny me, will charge them with sexism, ageism and perhaps, unsightly-ism.

To be clear, I’m not after damages. I want my turn on the catwalk. Please help me realize the dream.

Brad Mason

DeLand