Editor, The Beacon:

I’m looking over our books to see what we could lose should DeSantis expand book-banning from schools and libraries to homes. First, I check for pornography and sexualized books. As for pure pornography riddled with stuff like infidelity, prostitution, incest, masturbation, etc., only a few Bibles. There’s a copy of Mary Roach’s Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex. But that’s more boring science than titillating porno. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy books on sexual evolution are hardly pornographic, but they use the e-word.

Should DeSantis decide to re-litigate the Scopes trial, half my books could be gone. There’s everything from Darwin to Francis Collins, James Watson, Neil Shubin, Richard Dawkins, and scores of others. More than 50 books by primatologists like Jane Goodall and Frans de Waal. Most never mention evolution, but it’s implied. Some include photos of chimpanzee sex and bonobo lesbian GG rubbing. To be safe, I should cut out those pages. A dozen books on the evolution of morals. Woke?

Maybe they won’t ban evolution, just require a balanced library. Goodall and Collins are devout Christians. I have their books on faith. I have newsletters from the now-defunct Flat World Society. Will those and my pornographic Bibles be enough balance?

Two dozen are on global warming/climate change. Woke? Astronomy and physics books mention the Big Bang. Several political books on the Big Lie. Should I hide books on sexism, racism and American imperialism? How will Ron’s book police classify my social-science classics?

Does Ron’s attack on Disney include Universal Studios? We have all the Harry Potter books and a little Disney memorabilia, including cutout dolls of Annette Funicello. Unlike so much fiction, Potter books are not pornographic, but I hear some of those wizards are gay. What about our Tootsie DVD?

If Florida bans the Democratic Party, what happens to books by Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and one about Obama’s mother? I assume my Kevin Phillips books, the Southern strategy architect, are OK.

On second thought, you’ll have to pry these books from my cold dead hands.

Sam Sloss



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