On a recent Saturday morning, a DeLand big-box store’s loss-prevention officer saw a 66-year-old, 6-foot-3-inch, 240-pound guy in the store put three four-packs of beer in his backpack and some phone chargers in his shirt. The loss-prevention officer watched the Large Man Leaving With Lager walk past the point of sale without paying, and then stopped him.

Large Man gave the phone chargers to the officer but not the beer. He exited the store and started drinking his beloved beverage.

The officer called for DeLand police, and when a lawman arrived, he read Large Man his Miranda rights. However, Large Man wouldn’t say if he understood his rights.

The police officer arrested him, put him in handcuffs, and took the remaining beer from his backpack and handed it to the loss-prevention officer. (The total amount of beer stolen had a value of $36.57, including, I presume, the quantity that Large Man had already swallowed.)

Big Man Bereft of Beer probably assumed he was about to be taken to jail. However, the DeLand police officer released him and told him he was being charged by affidavit because he had an infected foot.

So Large Man Left Without Lager left without lager and, perhaps, limped home. Maybe he wondered to himself, “Is an infected foot a Get Out of Jail card in Volusia County?”

— By Keith Allen, based on local police-agency reports. If you have information about a crime, call Crime Stoppers, 1-888-277-TIPS. You could be eligible for a reward.


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