BY TANNER ANDREWS
Have I mentioned before that Tallahassee seems amazingly close to Chattahoochee? Yes, I have. Still, the Legislature keeps reminding us, every session they hold.
Consider, if you will, the regrettable CS/HB-2024-1. They see their first job in 2024 as regulation of social media. Obviously, this is a think-of-the-children bill. Say those magic words, and legislators get even dumber.
The plan is to bar minors from having social-media accounts. Already have one? They are required to cancel it, if the kid is in Florida. I am not sure how this will play for families visiting amusement parks.
You know how gambling hells like to call the activity gaming. Well, guess what is exempt from the ban? Right. Think of the children. I suppose someone could be getting paid here.
Actually, the exemption is pretty broad. Anything deemed pure entertainment is exempt. That leaves only dull school homework to be covered by the bill, and that might get in by calling itself “edutainment.”
That is because edutainment is deemed exempt. I am not sure what edutainment is, and it is not defined. I guess it might include Grand Theft Auto, where you learn how to steal stuff, hot-wire fancy cars, and run over pedestrians. That is a skill-specific program to prepare future legislators.
Porn sites also appear exempt. Actually, that may be a good thing. Moms for Liberty are censoring books mentioning genitals, or suggesting that people or penguins might have them. As health classes become useless, internet porn to the rescue!
Yes, sexting is also exempt from the law. It is hard to see how that could go wrong.
A website which, somehow, does not fit an exemption must give warning and then cancel a suspected minor’s account. The warning requires at least 90 days’ notice to prove age. Thinking of the children, there is no maximum time. Some websites may allow them 15 years to provide proof of age.
Kids know how to get around these things. Voters, I guess, not so much. If you watch the Legislature at all, you know what they are thinking — performative nonsense will fool stupid voters back home.
— Andrews is a DeLand-area attorney and a longtime government critic. For purposes of the column, he finds it convenient that there is so much government to criticize.
