The city officials want civility in Deltona. There, I got a free laugh just for saying “Deltona.” It is the comic’s blessing.

Deltona standards for civility appear to be, ahem, interesting. Obviously you will not be allowed to criticize city officials. That is pretty standard.

But they have other, less common, plans. For instance, they have deployed metal detectors. Well, you can understand that, since for a time, there was a felon who regularly attended the meetings. Fortunately, Jane Shang is no longer the city manager.

They want to encourage public input by cutting the speaking time in half. I can understand that. Many citizens who turn out tend to criticize. Deltona city officials are like sensitive flowers, who need to be protected from the heat.

They are also concerned with odors. Evidently, they think that the citizens of Deltona stink. Some wise guys would call this simple confirmation of suspicion, though that would be unkind.

I personally have expressed the view that certain officials seem a bit “whiff.” However, when I say that Clay Henderson stinks, that is a figurative condemnation of political pseudo-environmentalism, not an observation of actual body odor. In Deltona, they mean to take it literally.

The problem is that, while metal detectors are common if ineffective, smell detectors are rare. Most likely, they will need to have the mayor sniff each person before they come into the chambers.

This may run into problems. For instance, in the fall, ragweed blooms causing allergies to kick up. If the mayor gets hay fever, Deltona needs a backup plan.

Also, they will need clearer standards. Certain brands of perfume smell better than others. Some strike me as overpowering and unbearable. Whose taste governs?

Worse, some perfumes are marketed by celebrities. If a famous celebrity says something that runs afoul of the mayor’s views, will the standards reach the perfume they sell?

At least they have reached one conclusion. It appears generally agreed amongst the commissioners that they still do not want to have the public comment period seen by the public. Shut off the microphones and cameras during that part of the meeting.

And, while they are at it, they appear close to agreement on cutting public-input time. That way, they make it clear what they are thinking — half the public input is twice as good!

— Andrews is a DeLand-area attorney and a longtime government critic. For purposes of the column, he finds it convenient that there is so much government to criticize.