A DeLand Police officer was dispatched to an apartment building at around 7:15 a.m. regarding a disturbance.

A 35-year-old woman there told him the story of what had happened: She said that her boyfriend “had been trying to kick her out for some time, and that they had been arguing frequently over child matters.” (They have a 2-year-old daughter.)

The woman said that early that morning her boyfriend “had called his mother on the phone and that both of them were antagonizing her and telling her that she needs to live somewhere else.” She said that during this quarrel, Boyfriend pushed her.

However, Girlfriend wouldn’t swear to her statement, and the police officer said she “spoke with officers in a frantic manner” and wouldn’t give any more details.

Boyfriend, age 29, told the lawman that he and Girlfriend “had been arguing over driving their daughter to and from daycare.” He said the quarrel became heated and that Girlfriend “began to scream ‘Call the police!’”

Boyfriend said he was afraid that if neighbors heard the yelling, they would contact the HOA where he lives and that he’d lose his apartment. Girlfriend was screaming at around 6 a.m., and Boyfriend cupped one of his hands over his own mouth and his other hand over Girlfriend’s mouth, “telling her to calm down.” He said he did this “as one would do to a child throwing a tantrum.”

Boyfriend said Girlfriend pushed him away and then hit his back with the business end of a fork “and dragged down the sharp ends, leaving a mark.” (Which shows you, it’s a bad idea to have a heated argument when eating utensils are present.)

Boyfriend “lifted up his shirt to reveal a three-pronged mark, dark on the top, with lines fading in a downward motion, consistent with what he had told officers.”

Boyfriend “completed a sworn written statement,” and he “spoke … in a calm manner and spoke with detail about the incident.”

The lawman concluded that Girlfriend was the primary aggressor and arrested her on a misdemeanor charge of battery causing bodily harm.

Hopefully, while she was in jail, corrections officers didn’t give her any knives or forks, just a dull plastic spoon to eat with.