POSITIVELY PRESIDENTIAL — President George Washington’s famous portrait by painter Gilbert Stuart is shown at left. While Washington wasn’t really investigated for having confidential documents at his Mount Vernon home, Beacon staff writer Al Everson paints a humorous scenario, drawing parallels to recent investigations into presidents current and past and the documents found at their homes. PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Democrats demand immediate posthumous impeachment!

Amid reports of President Joe Biden and other recent presidents taking classified documents, The Beacon has learned that President George Washington did the same thing.

When he retired as president in 1797 and returned to Mount Vernon, Washington, federal investigators say, he took secret documents about the Revolutionary War and foreign affairs.


The news, like an earthquake, rocked Capitol Hill.

“This is absolutely outrageous!” blustered Sen. Chuck Schumer. “We’re going to hold hearings. This is definitely impeachable. He [Washington] can’t get away with this.”

The Senate’s Democratic Caucus quickly called upon the GOP-controlled House to pass articles of impeachment “with all deliberate speed” and prepare for an impeachment trial in the Senate. Charges against Washington may include abuse of power, theft of government property, arrogance, and narcissism.

“He [Washington] always had a very high opinion of himself,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren said. “He must be impeached now, to set an example for anyone tempted to break the law. He must never be allowed to hold office again! We must act now! Nothing else matters in this session of Congress.”

“Not so fast!” reacted House Speaker Kevin McCarthy. “We have other more critical issues, such as giving ourselves a pay raise and passing defense appropriations that pay for our junkets on military aircraft.”

Agents of the FBI, U.S. Department of Justice, Secret Service, and the CIA have confirmed the findings by thorough searches at Mount Vernon and seizures of trunks full of documents. The old and yellowed papers, along with heretofore unknown diaries and letters, were discovered inside the home George and Martha Washington shared, as well as inside barns, the stable, the smokehouse, and storage buildings on the famed plantation. Some papers with sensitive military information were hidden inside a pumpkin in a field some distance from the home.

Thus far, Biden has not commented on the story.

“There’s nothing sinister here,” Sen. Lindsey Graham said, regarding the Washington papers capers. “These documents were historical. They were about British troop movements in the Revolutionary War and the Continental Army’s logistical problems, what we call the supply chain. This is old information.”

Not necessarily so, countered Congressman Adam Schiff.

“Many of these papers detail sources and methods of intelligence-gathering,” he said. “We need to know if Washington was planning to pass these papers to foreign agents — for a fee, of course.”

Were the documents really top secret?

“There is no evidence these papers were ever declassified by the Continental Congress, the Articles of Confederation Congress or the U.S. Congress,” Schiff added. “They were state property, to be accessed only by people with security clearances.”

Besides the taking of the papers, The Beacon has learned the impeachment probe of Washington extends to allegations of juvenile vandalism.

“That story about the cherry tree was false,” Sen. Joe Manchin said.

Not so, according to Sen. Diane Feinstein.

“We understand he cut down the cherry tree without getting a tree-removal permit,” she said. “Also, we must determine if that cherry tree was on land that became federal land. That’s even more serious. That cherry tree had rights, and those rights were violated.”

“The destruction of a cherry tree may be impeachable,” Sen. Mitt Romney said.

Though a Republican, Romney often sides with Democrats.

“The Constitution says that a president may be impeached for ‘high crimes and misdemeanors,’” Romney added. “Cutting down a cherry tree — even if you don’t lie about it — is a misdemeanor, and therefore a just cause to put Washington on trial. It just shows a pattern of cavalier disregard for the law.”

“One more thing — he [Washington] can’t hide behind executive privilege,” Romney concluded.

The impeachment investigation continues.



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